I’ve been avoiding blogging. I’ve been avoiding it because there’s one thing that keeps coming up for me to blog about. And I wanted to avoid blogging about it … for a number of reasons.
But I’m going to blog about it anyway.
I suffer with depression. I am depressed.
I was first diagnosed 18 years ago. And in that time I’ve had some success with psychotherapy and anti-depressants. I’ve considered my depression as ‘moderate’, at times even ‘mild’. There’ve even been times when I’ve thought I was ‘cured’.
But now it’s back in its blackest form and I feel I’m in a real battle for quality of life. Some days I believe I’m in a battle for my actual life because some days I just don’t feel like living anymore.
It’s been a patchwork few years. Living in Sydney and single for a long time, I met a lovely man and fell in love. The lovely man lived in Melbourne and has his three children part of the time. After less than a year I decided to leave inner city Sydney and go to live with the lovely man and his children in the suburbs of Melbourne. It’s been tough making big changes as it would be for anyone in the same situation. I’m still trying to work out whether this life will support me in the way I need.
I don’t write this without hope. At the time I drafted this I was having a small window of feeling quite good. And in that window I planned and strategised.
I went to the GP and was prescribed a new anti-depressant that I’ve read good things about. I’ll begin that in a few weeks — after first having to ween myself off the other one. Uuurrrrgggh …
But what I really want to look at this time is if improving diet and starting regular exercise can help me. I want to cut down on processed foods because I think sugar really affects my mood and I’ll eat more fish for their Omega 3s, Brazil nuts for their selenium and more fruit and veg in general. I’m working up to leaving alcohol out of the equation altogether by cutting down to a couple of glasses on a weekend.
I’ve been to a local women only gym for an introductory visit that went rather well so I have my first session there tonight. I’m committing to doing the required three sessions a week and a walk each day in between.
It’s a start. The start of a fight back.